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Ten Paintings By Jon McNaughton Explained | @curaffairs

Ten Paintings By Jon McNaughton Explained from @curaffairs
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Utah-based painter Jon McNaughton has been called the “Trump administration’s unofficial artist.” Here, our resident art critics, Lyta Gold and Brianna Rennix, uncover the meanings of key works in the McNaughton canon.

“And last, but not least, I would like to thank the thousands of angry liberals who have expressed their opinions regarding my patriotic paintings. I mean this sincerely, because you’ve helped me to develop a thick skin and to understand how the liberal mind thinks. When we as Americans stop worrying about what the politically correct establishment insists is acceptable, we will begin to restore the heart and soul of America.” – Jon McNaughton

LYTA: Brianna would you like to hear my angry “politically correct” opinion of Jon McNaughton

I love him

almost unironically

BRIANNA: then you’ll love this from his bio:

“After high school Jon was offered art scholarships to Brigham Young University. He started out as an art major, but his rebellious nature didn’t conform to an establishment that encouraged contemporary abstract art. ‘I  was determined to do it my way without compromise. I like traditional art! This non-conformity has often put me at odds with the art world, but I have since learned that an artist must be fiercely independent, and have a unique personal vision.’”

LYTA: !!! what made Jon McNaughton like this? the fuckin CIA sponsoring abstract art, of course!

BRIANNA: plus a mysterious wealthy benefactor!

“All was going well until Y2K and the 9/11 attack. The art market went sour. Then fate came into Jon’s life again, as he was contacted by a retired former  executive from Ford Motor Company with  the idea of starting a business to market his artwork—the McNaughton Fine Art Company was born! It’s been almost twenty years since McNaughton’s career began. He spent most of those years painting landscape paintings and in the last nine years has done more patriotic and religious subjects. ‘I paint what inspires me, whether it is a soft landscape, a patriotic vision, or a scene from the life of Jesus. I do what I love and don’t worry about what anyone thinks.’”

BRIANNA: I love that his idea of “fierce independence”

is painting adulatory portraits of Trump, the world’s most powerful man

LYTA: he’s fiercely independently part of a business begun by a bored Ford Motor Company executive

and if McNaughton doesn’t paint Trump, who will?

George W. Bush?

he doesn’t have a tenth of McNaughton’s talent

BRIANNA: Bush fritters away his talent for representational art on cute little dogs

not bold political allegories

“Some so called ‘art experts’ feel that a true painting should not be explained, but left to the viewer to interpret. I may not reveal all my thoughts, but I want the world to know what I think and feel – that’s why I painted it! Great art causes one to feel. To feel deeply…I don’t care if the composition is outdated or whether some other artist may have painted their composition better than me. The message stands alone.”

BRIANNA: ok so let’s go through 10 paintings and try to guess the allegory

and then check our answers

LYTA: dear readers: pls submit your own allegorical interpretations

10. “Wake Up America”

BRIANNA: okay Obama’s fetish party is maybe a LITTLE over-inclusive on the age front, but I like the diverse cross section otherwise!!

LYTA: the mom is hugging her kid because she just realized her mistake

“I thought the invite said ‘BDMS’ as in ‘Bring Your Doc McStuffins!’”

I like the $1 constantly falling from the sky, it really keeps the strip-club-party vibe going

Obama is very considerate of his orgy guests

BRIANNA: yeah it’s also like, are they BIDDING on Obama? Like…. like a slave auction?

LYTA: except they are the slaves

it’s a reverse racism party

that’s why everyone looks uncomfortable, they realize the theme doesn’t make sense, since reverse racism isn’t a thing

BRIANNA: meanwhile the Chicken of Hope has come to give glad tidings to that husky country lad in the sheepskin coat

LYTA: the country lad is trying to clumsily cut off his balls with that hacksaw

“there’s a better way,” says the chicken

BRIANNA: “WATCH YOUR BALLS SON” is what that pointing lady behind him is shouting

the chain doesn’t even seem to be that tightly wound around him!

LYTA: tbh i have done worse to try to get out of bad parties

BRIANNA: still though, is Middle America too proud to shimmy slightly??

LYTA: well it’s very embarrassing to come to the fetish party and realize it was a clumsy allegory for something else

BRIANNA: ok I think we’ve uncovered the meaning of this painting, are we ready for the reveal

LYTA: let’s do it

“Every man, woman, and child in America is enslaved to our national debt. As an artist, I have laid out my vision of the dire circumstances that surround us. Now, more than ever, each American must make a choice: will we unlock the shackles  that enslave us, or will we give up  the greatest gift we have—our freedom? It is my hope and prayer that America will ‘wake up’ before it is too late… Those who are familiar with my work know I like to use symbolism and metaphor to engage the viewer. See if you can find and  decipher the many symbols in this image. In the painting I have intentionally hidden six keys that will WAKE UP AMERICA and release us from the chains of economic and political bondage. Find these keys and share them with as many Americans as you can. If we don’t ‘wake up,’ the next generation may not know what it means to be free”

LYTA: HOLY SHIT

this is basically the Da Vinci Code

BRIANNA: this is too much

let’s leave it to our readers to discover the six keys

LYTA: the Chicken of Hope is the first one, dear readers

The rest of the quest is up to you

9. “Via Dolorosa”

LYTA: anti-Semitism detector: BRRRRRING BRRRRRING BRRRRING WARNING WARNING WARNING

oh shit it broke

it hasn’t done that since the last time Chelsea Clinton tried to explain rap lyrics

BRIANNA: now come on Lyta

literally everyone in human history is in this crowd

why are you FOCUSING IN on ONE SMALLLL THING

I really love Interrupty Suit Guy though

“Excuse me, excuse me! You’re uh, blocking the traffic”

LYTA: yes the Obnoxious Jew Lawyer is really photobombing the scene

BRIANNA: oh man I actually think it is an Open Question whether that is an Obnoxious Jew Lawyer or like one those Joel Osteen style assholes

like I KIND OF feel like that guy is actually one of the HEROES of the scene?

even though he is doing literally nothing useful

LYTA: he’s got a very “sir, you have to move” vibe

perhaps he is a Rude Modern Christian who doesn’t understand that Jesus is doing a little cosplay with his new friends

whoever he is, Lenin is ready to deck him

and he’ll trample Mother Theresa to do it

but seriously WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS PAINTING

is suit guy maybe a smug new atheist?

“The history of Christianity is a history of mass murderers, hypocrite clergy, and martyred women, so you might as well believe in a flying spaghetti monster am i rite”

BRIANNA: okay can we do the big reveal now

LYTA: yes do you have a prediction though

BRIANNA: okay I am going to throw down my chips that Suit Asshole is a hero not a villain

LYTA: I will match you and raise New Atheist Twerp

BRIANNA: stakes are high

LYTA: let’s check our answers

“What is the meaning of this painting? This painting has over 100 figures, both good and bad, men and women that have left their footprint on Christianity. The man in the middle represents the modern Christian…a man who must decide whether or not he will stand up for his Christian beliefs. Many are shouting out to tell him what to do. He raises his hand to say, ‘Be silent, for I know that Jesus is the Christ!’ He touches Jesus’ shoulder to indicate that he gets his strength from the Master. Today, Christians are the most persecuted people in the entire world. Yet many of us stand idly by as we are mocked and persecuted for what we know to be true. As true Christians, we must not fear to speak the truth, even if it means we have to stand alone in the world. What does the title of the painting mean? ‘Via Dolorosa’ are the Latin words for ‘Way of Suffering’ and is the name for the traditional road in which Christ carried his cross to Calvary.”

LYTA: sorry I just had to scream-cry in my mouth

McNaughton literally paints a Jew (Judas presumably) counting treachery coins in the foreground

“CHRISTIANS ARE THE MOST PERSECUTED PEOPLE”

there are no words

only art

BRIANNA: “He touches Jesus’ shoulder to indicate that he gets his strength from the Master” this is some Protestant bullshit

PICK UP THE CROSS AND HELP YOU WEENIE

well the good news is that Jesus seems super bummed out by that guy and Lenin is going to deck him

LYTA: truly Vladimir Ilyich is the savior of history

BRIANNA: I don’t love Lenin, but IN A DEATH MATCH YOU MAKE HARD CHOICES

8. “National Emergency”

BRIANNA: okay I got this I got this

Trump is looking down repentantly at a tiny baby

he’s realized that family separation was wrong and feels sorry for it

triumphantly behind him stand the liberated poor and a world government full of mutual amity and respect

LYTA: Trump’s red tie indicates the blood on his hands/shirt

the jacket indicates a new look for him which is honestly much better than his ill-fitting suits

BRIANNA: it seems to be a border patrol jacket

which, given that he’s repented, is like wearing a hairshirt

LYTA: Bernie’s exaggerated height indicates a prophecy that he will be the next president

BRIANNA: Bernie looks like an expectant matador and I LOVE IT

LYTA: the invisible bull is capitalism

BRIANNA: am I paranoid or is it sort of alarming that Bernie and Obama are both standing behind women and holding their flags kind of like they’re sacks they’re about to fling over their heads

TRUST NO ONE

LYTA: oh man maybe this is also a prophecy about the 2020 and 2008 primaries respectively

BRIANNA: ooooh

IS THIS A KEY

LYTA: the women candidates eclipsed by (somewhat) more progressive men

dude we are so close to solving the Da Vinci code

we just need to solve the mystery of Chuck Schumer’s legs

HOW LONG ARE YOUR LEGS, CHUCK

WHERE’S YOUR WAIST

BRIANNA: sold it to Mexico

it’s nice to see that the US is helpfully buoying up global cooperation

LYTA: with Chuck Schumer’s waist as collateral

BRIANNA: desperate times

okay I’m ready to find out how right we were

“Every year hundreds of thousands of foreign nationals march to our southern border and cross into our country. Who are they? What right do they have to come here? Dangerous drug smugglers, human traffickers, and other criminals enter our country without permission, while many more wait in line legally hoping for the American dream. These law breakers cost the American taxpayer over 100 billion dollars a year and have a disproportionate level of crime in our population. President Trump only asks for 5.7 billion dollars to secure the border, so why won’t the politicians let him do it? In my new painting, the Democrat establishment declares victory against President Trump as he announces a national emergency to secure the border. They proudly hold the flags they represent and cherish. Our politicians have become traitors to this country, in most cases they are more loyal to whichever country, lobbyist, corporation, or special interest group that will keep them in office and line their bank accounts. I’m sick of how they trample our flag and do not seek America’s interests first. Trump stands apart from them with his head bowed contemplating the state of our border situation. He sees a lost doll left behind by a little girl forced to make the dangerous journey. To not build the wall is to allow people on both sides of the border to suffer needlessly.”

LYTA: Brianna, as an immigration lawyer

does this check out

BRIANNA: as an immigration lawyer I hope that that same little girl is exposed to radiation that gives her mutant superpowers and that she then eats our entire government

SOMEONE PAINT THAT PLEASE

7. “Teach a Man to Fish”

BRIANNA: this one is a bit simpler but nonetheless conveys a powerful message

LYTA: it’s true: teach a man to fish, and he will forget socialism

I mean he won’t be able to feed himself, all the fish are full of plastic and dying

but at least he won’t be a *squints* Justice Warrior anymore

BRIANNA: what a weird day for Sweatshirt Bro, he goes deep into the forest to read about socialism, AS ONE DOES

and there finds the President of the United States fishing

in a suit

with no discernable pond or stream nearby

LYTA: “FELLAS: you see Trump sitting alone on a bench in the middle of the woods with fishing tackle and no river close by…wwyd???”

BRIANNA: I mean Trump would never just pull the fish FROM THE WATER AND NATURE’S ABUNDANCE instead of MAKING THE FISH HIMSELF

like a MAN

LYTA: is this a parable I don’t know

the parable of the socialism and the fishes?

BRIANNA: every fucking parable in the New Testament is about fish

there is legit a story where Jesus appears to some disciples post-resurrection just to pawn some baked fish off them

LYTA: in drag slang, fish means femininity

so does that parable mean getting rid of a stale girlfriend? or is it a transitioning metaphor?

BRIANNA: omg that’s it

Trump is telling this person it’s okay to be themself!!!

LYTA: alternate title of this painting is “feelin’ fishy *heart *star* *heels emoji*”

BRIANNA: ok

are we ready for the big reveal

are we ready to know the truth

LYTA: yes

the truth shall be revealed to us

in the form of a parable about fishes

“Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” I imagined President Trump sitting next to a young college student. His pack is beside him and his Socialism and Justice Warrior books laid aside. He listens to Trump’s proposal and looks at the different bait he can use to catch his fish. Trump offers him a fishing pole. Each of us has the freedom to choose our own destiny. Trump has suggested through his educational policy that people can be taught a skilled vocation. How will Trump make America great again? I believe this mantra is about giving American citizens an equal opportunity to find success. Equal opportunity is different than equal results. You can give a man a pole, it doesn’t mean he will use it.

LYTA: OH MY GOD

YOU CAN GIVE A MAN A POLE

IT DOESN’T MEAN HE WILL USE IT

BRIANNA: THAT’S OKAY THOUGH

IT’S YOUR POLE GOD DAMN IT

EACH OF US HAS THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE OUR OWN DESTINY

you can do whatever you want with your pole

you certainly don’t need to be defined by it

in any kind of conventional sense

some of us were born without poles

but what I’m hearing is, Trump will give us them if we want them?

LYTA: yes

and you can use different bait to catch fish

including fish

really every option is open to you

BRIANNA: I think this is the first time we were totally right about a painting

on to the next!

6. “All-American Trump”

LYTA: I defy anyone to say that this isn’t a magnificent painting

BRIANNA: can I begin by pointing out that spectator Hillary Clinton is holding a sign that says WHAT HAPPENED

which I think is a great sign to bring to a sporting event

its applications are endless

everything from “I do not understand this game” to “I am indignant about the way this game is being played to the point that METHINKS MINE EYES DECEIVE ME”

LYTA: as a football fan, I insist we start this trend

Hillary is the best part of this painting for sure

WHAT HAPPENED sums up her post-2016 career so completely

BRIANNA: who is anyone on Team Blue even besides Schumer and Obama

LYTA: that’s Bernie in the upper left

now it’s unclear given the foreshortening of the field

but even though the ref is signaling touchdown, I don’t think Trump is in the endzone

I think Bernie has a shot at catching him

ANOTHER PROPHECY

BRIANNA: now I would pay good money to see Trump play in a sporting event in real life

LYTA: it would be like watching a gelatinous blob from a ’50s horror movie

undulating across the field, screaming vaguely

BRIANNA: I am rather in favor of forcing anyone who runs as a Strongman Politician to play sports on national television

LYTA: in a football game featuring Trump and his cabinet vs Current Affairs, we would utterly trounce them

even wearing velvet jackets

BRIANNA: probably relying heavily on Sparky and maybe Oren and also Vanessa since I believe she is probably secretly as good at football as anything else

LYTA: I won’t be very useful except for taunting

but oh, such taunting

I will be thrown out of the game for trash talk and return to the sidelines bearing a sign that reads WHAT HAPPENED

BRIANNA: ok are we ready to know the meaning of this painting

LYTA: WHAT IS HAPPENING

“When they played football in the old days they didn’t have facemasks. It was a time of blood, guts, and glory. Today’s politics are rough. You have to push hard for everything you get. The field is muddy, and the players can get dirty. But, we have a President that has risen above the rest. The other side hates him and will do anything to destroy him. Try to take him down – think again! He’s going for the goal, another touchdown, SCORE! Who are the people?”

LYTA: Who are the people? CURRENT AFFAIRS

and also, the people

BRIANNA: Current Affairs is

a small but dignified subset of The People

wait did football used to have guts in it

were people losing their entrails on the field

LYTA: yes you only won by tearing out your opponent’s viscera and feasting upon it

it was a simpler time

a nobler time

when they didn’t know about CTE

BRIANNA: frankly if serving in the US government also gave people CTE our whole system would be far easier to explain

LYTA: oh man I think you’ve uncovered another clue

in the mystery of Why Is Everything So Terrible

BRIANNA: next stop, tenure in the Harvard Symbology Department and a bevy of hot babes who are super into my turtleneck

5. “The Forgotten Man”

LYTA: Obama is standing on a very big piece of toilet paper

it’s super embarrassing

the Founding Fathers are trying to help him out by soundlessly miming

but Obama’s looking the other way!

classic slapstick

BRIANNA: unidentifiable Knee-breech’d Founding Father #5 looks like he’s moving in for the most inept stealth butt-grope of all time

LYTA: that’s the next phase of the slapstick routine

BRIANNA: I am glad to see our friend the Husky Country Lad has returned

presumably grabbing a bite of fresh air after sawing himself loose from that party earlier

LYTA: he’s tired

it was obviously a rager

all those $1 bills are scattered everywhere

everybody’s pointing fingers, trying to figure out who is going to clean up this mess!

btw why is FDR standing?

BRIANNA: FDR standing may be some kind of mysterious Ghost Law where you retain the physical rigor of your youth but the appearance of the age when you were most heavily photographed

LYTA: I really need to brush up on Ghost Law

maybe I SHOULD go to law school

BRIANNA: fuck if Ghost Law were a real thing I would NEVER have gone into immigration law

I would be out there getting justice for ghosts

so that they can finally stop throwing furniture and travel to the Other Side

LYTA: imagine what would happen if the Founding Fathers had to face Ghost Justice

I guess that would be ghosts suing ghosts

for genocide

BRIANNA: maybe Ghost Justice was getting trapped in this shitty painting

LYTA: that’s cruel and unusual punishment

ok have we decided that’s what this painting is about?

ghost justice?

BRIANNA: ah but where does our lad the Country Cock fit into this

is he is also a ghost?

LYTA: well maybe he has been considering doing a genocide

and is having a sort of Christmas Carol experience

where he is haunted by the Ghosts of Genociders Past

BRIANNA: I don’t think anyone can argue with this reading

“This historic image was painted by Jon McNaughton in 2011 in response to the passing of the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare). During the 2016 election the painting gained additional interest as Americans united to defeat Hillary Clinton. On the day of the election, Sean Hannity spoke of the significance of this painting and how it would take the forgotten men and women of America to rise up and save America. That night, as Donald Trump gave his acceptance speech he noted that because of the Forgotten Men and Women of America he was standing as the new President of the United States. The day after the election Sean Hannity purchased the original painting and publicly stated that this was the election of the ‘Forgotten Man.’”

LYTA: yep, Donald Trump

the man everybody forgot

and never talked about

BRIANNA: I love how easily the elision from “I am here to support the Forgotten Man” to “I AM THE FORGOTTEN MAN” was made

LYTA: Trump embodies America

he engulfs it

like a religious symbol, or the way a dying bloated star eats a planet

BRIANNA: re. bench lad, it’s true that nothing screams “I am forgotten” like being surrounded by literally all the presidents in history arguing about how best to serve your interests

LYTA: Pretty Attended To For Being So Ignored

BRIANNA: ok, I think we have to follow up that painting with its sequel

4. “You Are Not Forgotten”

BRIANNA: the Forgotten Man has acquired an identically dressed wife!!!! What a happy sequel

on the other hand, the Trump presidency seems to have turned the National Mall into a heat-cracked, snake-ridden desert

so

mixed bag

LYTA: do you think the Forgotten Wife sprouted from her husband

did Trump create her from the lad’s rib in this hell-desert

BRIANNA: that seems right

one by one his ribs are turning into identical females

they surround him on all sides, watching his planting with vacant eyes

LYTA: until finally, ribless, he is able to suck his own dick at last

BRIANNA: I’m also glad to see that altering DC topiary is the best way to make veterans happy

who knew that all their concerns could be solved with one simple step

LYTA: the guy in the wheelchair definitely doesn’t need health insurance

or the ability to get a goddamn appointment at the VA hospital

what he needs is a mysterious troika of billionaires deciding his fate

(not pictured)

BRIANNA: the therapy he needs is to watch a white family gardening

LYTA: or maybe he needs to watch a white family passive-aggress by silently dumping water on each other’s heads

that actually does sound therapeutic

BRIANNA: the snake planted that enticing idea in the woman’s mind before Trump stepped on its head

LYTA: once again: Satan Was Right

which is clearly what this painting is about

don’t listen to the politician who symbolizes The Forgotten Man, he will turn your country into a desert and force your veterans to witness odd domestic squabbles

BRIANNA: a very specific but informative prophecy

okay let’s see the big reveal

“When I decided to paint this picture, I wondered if this was taking it too far. But, sometimes you have to speak forcefully, like the brushstrokes of my painting. Many Americans have felt forgotten by the establishment in Washington. I’m talking about the people who are more interested in themselves, and their political careers. How many veterans have been neglected? How many of our police officers have been marginalized? How many families are suffering because of poor healthcare, limited opportunities, and government intrusion? Last year we elected President Trump. He expressed by his words and demeanor what Americans wanted – a man who was not going to bow down to Washington or other countries. A man that would not forget the ‘forgotten men and women’ of this country who elected him. I want a president that will crush the enemies of liberty, justice, and American prosperity. They may have the power to bruise his heel, but he will have the power to crush their head!”

LYTA: I wondered if outright fascism was Taking It Too Far

but

I went with it

for art

BRIANNA: President Headcrusher

‘tis but a simple homespun fancy

admittedly Trump’s heels bruise easily

because of the bone spurs

3. “Expose the Truth”

BRIANNA: being choked while simultaneously examined with a magnifying glass is my favorite genre of ASMR video

LYTA: is it kink or Extreme Optometry

which I can also see as a YouTube genre

BRIANNA: “I can see your BOOGERS,” said President Trump, hauling Mueller towards him with inexorable strength

dialogue from McNaughton’s Real Person Fanfic

LYTA: it is sort of the opposite of a slashfic in that it actively destroys all sexual desire

much like

any discussion of the Mueller report

that’s the real reason young people aren’t having sex these days

they are bored to sleep by Russiagate news before they can fuck

BRIANNA: where they are then haunted by terrifying dreams of grappling with Robert Mueller in a darkened auditorium while Jeff Sessions watches

LYTA: so tbh what I like best about this painting is how unfinished and impressionistic it is

as if McNaughton knows the ultimate futility and vagueness of the Russia investigation is not really worth covering in detail

BRIANNA: yeah and it lacks the dense symbolism of the other paintings

no mysteries here

LYTA: ok we’ve solved this one, it’s about sexlessness and misery

let’s check our answers

“There has been a crusade in this country led by a group that wishes to overturn the election and impeach President Trump. Robert Mueller leads a special council of at least 17 partisan Democrat attorneys who have yet to find a single piece of evidence against the President, yet they ignore the mounting verifiable evidence against Russian collusion with the DNC and the Clinton Foundation. The political bias and negligence of those who have lead the Department of Justice and the FBI is forthcoming. There comes a time when you have to take a stand to Expose the Truth!”

LYTA: I have to say, I did not see “the DNC are the real Russia conspirators” coming

not even in the wildest dreams of Rachel Maddow

BRIANNA: maybe the whole Mueller investigation was rigged specifically to rid us of Jeff Sessions

I wish I believed the DNC was clever enough to have pulled that off

LYTA: this is a good moment to remember that Podesta was fooled by the easiest phishing scam in the world

teach a man to phish, and he will trick John Podesta into giving up his password

2. “One Nation Under God”

BRIANNA: okay before we get into this I need to get something off my chest

THAT’S THE WHITE TREE OF GONDOR ON JESUS’ SHIRT, AM I RIGHT?

LYTA: IT ABSOLUTELY IS

BRIANNA: IS THIS A PAINTING ABOUT HOW THE BLOOD OF NUMENOR WILL ENDURE FOREVER

LYTA: but only if you reforge the shards of Narsil!

WHERE’S THE SWORD, JESUS

LYTA: btw fave character: the wicked Jew counting his money at the bottom right

he looks like Fred Savage

I can just hear the voiceover now

“sometimes, everyone around you is into Tolkien LARPs, but you’re just trying to save up enough allowance for that new 10-speed”

BRIANNA: okay so one thing I unironically like about this painting is that it prominently features a judge crying

while some guy on a cell phone stands nearby visibly disgusted by his conduct

LYTA: Brianna do you live to make judges cry

BRIANNA: I mean it would be pretty cool to hold up my argument like Jesus is doing there and watch the adjudicator dissolve into sobs!!

LYTA: the document Jesus is holding is an order to release all asylum-seekers at once

BRIANNA: “ALL of them?” says the little country club child, pointing at the order

LYTA: “No, not you, Timmy”

“You are going to jail forever for being very annoying”

BRIANNA: there is so much going on in this painting

like how about the subplot in the upper right where John Adams (or other 18th-century white guy?) is trying to drum up hype for Abraham Lincoln’s impending dance routine??

LYTA: the Founding Fathers are about to lipsync FOR THEIR LIVES

there’s even a smoke machine going

BRIANNA: the smug liberals won’t even WATCH Lincoln’s show

ok one interesting piece of information: Lady Astronauts are solidly amongst the Elect

LYTA: their souls were trying to rise to Cool Lady Heaven

but they got sucked down into this shit

that’s why Sally Ride looks so baffled

BRIANNA: yeah the look on her face says “is that motherfucking THOMAS JEFFERSON”

LYTA: she is about to Charlotte Cordray him

MORE GHOST JUSTICE

LYTA: ok so this painting is about Tolkien LARPs, the Wonder Years, the cruelty of our asylum system, lipsync competitions, confused/murderous lady astronauts, and Ghost Justice

BRIANNA: agreed

“In the painting Christ is holding up the U.S. Constitution while behind him are the Founding Fathers and other patriotic heroes from the past two centuries speaking to us from the dust. They are asking us to remember the foundation of our country’s greatness and the liberties defined under the Constitution. The fact that Christ holds the Constitution is very significant. I believe it was a divinely inspired document. I believe God holds this country in the hollow of his hand. The Constitution gave Americans the kind of liberty unknown elsewhere in the world. I believe our country has been gradually weakened over the years, and we are reaching a tipping point. In the front of the painting, on the left side, are your strong Americans. On the other side are those who I believe have weakened the country. The painting is very symbolic, and I wanted it to be that way to cause people to study it and ponder its message. I hope people will understand my feelings as they learn more about the meaning of this painting.”

LYTA: the left is strong huh

and the right has weakened the country

this painting IS symbolic

BRIANNA: we are studying the painting and pondering its message just as Jon McNaughton intended!

LYTA: I feel like we’re so close to figuring out the Da Vinci code

it does seem to be saying: socialism will win

but let’s do one more to be certain

1. “Angel of Liberty – The Vision of George Washington”

BRIANNA: well here’s an easy one anyway

only the solidarity of unions can save us from the climate change apocalypse

what else could it possibly mean?

LYTA: I seriously unironically love this painting

it’s gorgeous

it’s Blakean

BEHOLD A FIERY ANGEL AND HIS CROWN PROCLAIMS “UNION”!

REPENT AND UNIONIZE, SINNERS, OR FACE DESTRUCTION

BRIANNA: like do we even need to know what McNaughton was trying to do here or do we just invoke Death Of The Author and start putting this on Know Your Rights flyers

LYTA: sorry Jon, you’ve painted an ecstatic prophecy of the triumph of socialism over the forces of U.S. imperialism

I can’t stop gazing upon the majesty of this painting

the soldiers in the blue berets are as useless as their headgear

the guy at the far bottom right is like

oh shit

that sure is an angel of socialism

BRIANNA: the guy driving the yellow taxi feels extremely vindicated

he is the LAST TAXI DRIVER ON EARTH

he held on through a thousand rideshare apps

LYTA: he has lived to see Uber and Lyft destroyed

because they didn’t respect the power of the union

have we done it

have we cracked the Da Vinci code

have we correctly identified the prophecy

BRIANNA: I think we know all

“The Vision of George Washington is not so well known by most Americans, but it is worth consideration as our country stands in peril of loosing [sic] everything we hold dear. At a time when our financial solvency and our national security are more vulnerable than we have ever been, what will save us from the doom that lurks at our doorstep? I chose to paint this vision at the triumphant moment when the Angel of Liberty bursts upon the scene. Whether or not the vision is authentic, is debatable, but the message it contains is timeless.”

LYTA: hmm the prophet himself doesn’t know if his vision is authentic

only time will tell if socialism shall be victorious!

BRIANNA: let’s close out with a bonus dance party

BONUS: “Pray For America”

LYTA: 

BRIANNA: (I will only add one more thing which is that you are not supposed to wear a pocket square with a homunculus after Labor Day!)

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Originally posted by Current Affairs on 2019-03-31 15:14:35

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